IMessWithTheInvaderZimCastBymakingThemSeduce!
by FattySkeleton
Summary: i make pairs happen! watch Zim be suduced! Mimi sudeced by Gir. Red can be hot! Tak sexually harrased! who the hell do i end up with? GAZ IS HORNY? DIB USES PICK UP LINES! BADLY!
1. Chapter 1

'I don't own anything'

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, for some god awful and screwed up reason I need to be horny, on an invader Zim fanfiction high, or struck with brilliance with a computer nearby to type. ALL of which failed to happen because

1. I was on my period and I don't like to get too horny on my period.

2. YOU PEOPLE HAVEN"T UPDATED ENOUGH!! I'VE BEEN READING HERMOINE/FRED WEASLY HARRY POTTER SMUT!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO PEOPLE??!?!?

3. eh, some random god like entity hasn't given me an idea.

In fact I am neither of those reasons typing, no I am doing this so people will know that I didn't die.

In a large underground cavern there is a small group of beings.

A young boy with scythe like hair that gave off an air of intelligence and insanity, like, what a mad scientist's aura would feel like,

a young girl with purple hair and squinted eyes and a presence that could make a million toddlers cry for there mothers and have squirrels explode on contact with the evil fog surrounding her,

a very short green male alien with a napoleon complex that gave off an air of intelligent stupidity, you know like how geniuses make a dooms day device but don't plug it in or die of starvation because they forgot to eat.

Another green alien this one female with purple eyes and a bit taller that seemed to ooze an aura that was dominant and pissed and seeking vengeance on someone.

A pair of matching red and purple green aliens that were really tall, stood, err, hovered side by side, doing the amazing feat of giving off an air of power and stupidity at the same time. And love of doughnuts? Man, I didn't think you could do that.

Next there was a robot with blue eyes that was insane.( sorry I can't do anything cool with him, he 's just there.)

And last but not least there was a robot with a gun for an arm giving off an air of anger and hate.

"All you see is dark. And you can here nothing. It is as silent as the grav-"

"Where is ZiiiiIIIIiiiiiiimmmmmmm? And why are you narrating in such a strange manner?"

"Never mind."

Suddenly flood lights illuminated the cavern causing the participants to blink. I stood in the middle of the cavern facing the Invader Zim cast.

"Hello my name's Minus Your Plus I am the torturer of cartoon couples; I am here to scar you all."

Red: "What Couples? There are no couples in this cartoon."

Purple; "YEAH!"

Dib; why is Zim here? He can love?

Zim; The ZIM can Lurve! I will Lurve you all to Death and take over the world! HA HA HA HA!

Gaz; I love no one, I only hate.

Tak; "Why am I here? I was only in one episode.

Gir; "Cause you're a hot alien lady!"

The occupants of the room turn to stare at Gir.

MYP; um, o.k. the reason that you are all here is that there are no couples in Invader Zim.

Red; I said that

Purple; HE SAID THAT

Red; Shut up purple.

Myp; Going on. I will give you all a partner and once I do my crazy powers will take over and Doom you to cuddling and have awkward situations against your will!

Everyone but MYP; WHAT! (Gir really said yay! and Mimi can't talk but hey! I tried.)

Dib; You can't do that! Wait are you a ZaDr Fan!?!? Oh my god if you make me kiss Zim I will dissect you and unleash my evil Hallowineens on you from my head! MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!

Gaz; You will not include me in this madness. If you do I will throw you into a nightmare world worse than HELL!

Gir; I Gets to smooch somebodys!

Zim; I will do this lurve and I will use the knowledge to concur the world!

Red; what is love anyway? Is it edible?

Purple; Protect the doughnuts!

Tak; If I get Zim, I will kill him, than I will kill you.

Mimi whipped out her gun arm thing and waved it menacingly.

MYP; SILENCE! I will pick the couples and the moment I do your bodies will take over and you will seduce the Female or male the only way you can.( I grinned evilly and scared Gir)

MYP; Red! you now have the hots for PURPLE!

The moment I said those words, Red's eyes got bigger and he turned toward a shocked Purple. A grin spread across is mouth and he hovered slowly toward Purple and gently took one of his antennas in his two fingered hand and fondled it making Purple purr.

Purple; W-what are you d-doing Red?

Red; something that I really wanted to do to you since I had seen you at the academy all those years ago.

Red than pulled the antenna down causing Purple's head to tilt upward and Red who had been hovering a little higher than him to kill him. There was obvious tongue use and Purple jerked away gasping for air, and all Red did was move to his throat, licking and sucking his way down.

I snapped my fingers and a door frame opened in the air and through the frame you could see a red and purple bed with Irken champagne and alien flower pedals sprinkled on it.

MYP; this is your room. Enjoy Purple, Red!

Red stopped his kissing and gave me a smug smile.

Red; Will do.

He scooped a stuttering Purple up in to his arms and hovered through the frame. I closed admittedly.

Everyone was staring after them in shock. I cleared my throat and they turned toward me

MYP; well, that was hotter than I expected. I wonder where he learned that. Is there alien soap operas?


	2. rooster?

'I don't own anything'

They stared at me in horror.

Zim; what did you do to the Tallests!

MYP; I let them have fun! Now who is next?

At those words they all scuttled back.

MYP;. . . . . Dib and Tak.

At once Dib turned toward Tak. He gave a playboy smile. (you know, that 'come hither look') he sauntered over to her while she backed up. He kind of looked like a rooster, with the hair and head bobbing motion.

Tak hit the cave wall and turned her head in a reflex. The second her eyes were off him he speed up and slammed his hands on either side of her. She jumped startled.

Dib; hey baby, I always wondered, did it hurt?

Tak; w-what?

Dib; when you fell from my own personal heaven, of course.

He gave a sleazy grin.

Dib;what? Are you speechless?

Tak seemed to get some brain cells back. She ducked under his arm and walked away.

Tak; yes, speechless in disgust

Suddenly, a pair of hands traveled over her sides, one hand grabbed her small hips and the other cupped her small breasts, both of them in one hand. She squeaked in surprise as she was yanked backwards toward a hard, warm, muscled chest. And a hard on the size of her arm

Dib; now my baby, you can't leave your daddy now can you?

Tak; DIB!

Dib; hey! MYP open one of those door way things. I want to take my new FINE lady to bed. Rawr.

Tak; Oh Tallest! Don't let him take me!

Dib; don't worry my green girl, I'll make sure you're ready.

As he said those words he threw her over his shoulder fireman style and walked toward the out of no where door frame toward a bed with a metal bed frame and high tech restraints.

The door closed on the last wail and come on of Dib and Tak.

The room was silent.

MYP; . . . . .well that was different. I really didn't expect THAT to happen. . . . Dib was really . . .hot?


	3. gun happy

I own nothing.

MYP; so I'm back!

Zim; You bitch! You're crazy!

Gaz; . . . . You will pay.

MYP; yeah sorry well back to the good stuff the next couple is. . .

The remainder of the cast scuttles back from one another.

MYP; Gir and Mimi!

At those words the happy robot's eyes turned black and he face planted into the dirt floor.

All was quiet.

MYP; . . .Um . . . ?

Zim; YOU BROKE HIM!

MYP; DID NOT!

Gaz; then why isn't he moving?

As me, Gaz, and Zim were arguing no one alive noticed Mimi look very thankful she turned from the fallen robot and watched the argument. So she didn't see the sudden red glow come from him. Milliseconds later he was gone and in front of the mute robot. She jumped back in fright but Gir was faster he grabbed her waist pressing her body to his. She raised her gun and aimed it at his head, but he grabbed it and thrust it away as she pulled the trigger, obliterating a cave wall.

Gir; so you want to play with guns bitch? Why the f#ck not?

Out of his head came missiles and lasers all of which were pointed at her, Mimi froze.

Gir; Oh do you not like them when there pointed at you?

He said as he nudged her with them. She shivered and reached out a hand and caressed the side of his metal head. Her eyes at half mast staring into his blood red ones.

Gir; I guess you do like'em

He purred as he leaned into the touch then a door appeared behind her and he backed her into the room. Strangely the room looked like a firing range. The door disappeared.

We were all in shock having noticed the weird what ever it was a long time ago.

Gaz; so . . . Mimi likes dominant males?

Zim; GIR CAN CUSS!??!

MYP; Was not expecting that. And dang Zim I think the robots are kinky.

Zim; what makes you say that?

Gaz; one of the guns were going a little far down for comfort on any normal female. If you know what I mean.

Zim; no, no I don't know what you mean.


	4. boy toy

I changed my name I am now HH. Ok?

After the robots' door disappeared Gaz and Zim seemed to have realized that they were the only ones left.

Zim ran towards me with his spider legs.

Zim: You will not speak!

Just before Zim was upon me I muttered a few words that doomed him.

HH: Gaz, Zim is your toy. Zim you will follow Gaz's every command.

Gaz: Zim stop.

Zim froze in mid air, his metal legs keeping him up.

HH; come on play with him a little!

Gaz; Zim kiss me.

She said while blushing. Zim zipped over and grabbed Gaz and covered her mouth with his. By her muffled groans he appeared to be really good. Soon Gaz was hitting him with her fists trying to get him to stop. He didn't.

Finally she grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away, and around 18 inches of tongue slid out of her mouth.

HH; . . . wow . . . he seems really good at that.

Gaz; Zim, stop.

He did.

I snapped my fingers and a door opened up to a room with a large round purple bed and a large array of "Toys", beside it.

As Gaz led Zim out I called out to her

HH; put that tongue to good use hunny!

She turned a dark red and Zim appeared to be licking his lips behind her and the door slammed shut with him reaching for a private area of hers.

HH; well my job appears done.

I sighed as I walked toward my really big chair that had been there the entire time.

As I sat down, the secret entrance slammed open and I gasped spinning around to face a shadow in the door way. It took a step toward me tisking.

Mysterious person: you've been a bad girl again huh? Well I guess I ought to punish you then.

OH NOES IS THIS THE END??!?!?

**HECK NO!!!!!!**


	5. babyyyyyyy

"Ba-baby! I thought you were out of the universe . . ."

Mysterious person said "My trip was cancelled when the Tallest were discovered missing. And I just knew that you had something to do with it."

"What! I'm totally innocent. I had nothing at all to do with their disappearance!"

The person stepped out of the door way showing him to be Skoodge. "Love, you know that I know that you're lying out your cute little butt. "

He walked toward me as I sunk into my chair. "Skooooooooodge! Come on! I didn't hurt them or anything!"

"No you just made them realize that they're so hot for each other that they can't wait to jump each others bones." He placed a hand onto my head and started to pet me like a cat.

I leaned into his touch as I continued to defend myself.

"Come on! You know just as well as I do that all the affects just act on preexisting feelings, if they didn't at least think of each other that way it wouldn't work."

He continued to stroke me, moving to my back. His hand making soft even strokes making me shiver. "Really? Then why is it that when we first met we were making out after a minute?"

"Making out? I don't remember doing that. Nope, nope, nope! I have no clue what you're talking about!" I try to get up and leave, noticing too late that I had somehow ended up in his lap. He tightened his claws and grabbed my neck, angling it to face him.

"Don't remember, huh? Well maybe I should remind you."

He pressed his lips to me and put his extra super long tongue to good use. He then proceeded to 'remind' me for the next half hour.

The end.


End file.
